Heart Break. This is one of the things we fear most and desire to avoid at all costs.
I’m sure we can all remember the first time we experienced a heartbreak.
see from a very young age my mother kept telling me and reminding me this bible verse
“Above all things, guard your heart because everything you do flows from it. Pro 4:23”
Now that I’ve grown up it makes sense why our hearts must be guarded. Our hearts are the true authentic self. It is where all our dreams, desires and passion live. It is the most important thing that makes you, you. Remembering my heartbreaks, either from lovers or life situation, each time would break me down a little me, dim the hope a little and worse of all create a negative story or meaning to it. It was never easy dealing with heartbreak.
We have heard it everywhere. From the songs in the radio, the movies and series we watch, the books we read, the stories we tell each other about who broke whose heart but have we ever stopped to think of the number of ways we to play a part in our own heartbreak? It’s very easy to say “he/she broke my heart” but I believe many times than once that we break our own heart but don’t have the courage to admit it or worse realize our mistakes against our own hearts.
Sometimes… no actually most times, many of us go through life with hearts that we broke ourselves but because playing the victim is much easier, we begin to blame and use the “Life is unfair” phrase for why we are dealing with the pains.
How do we participate in breaking our own hearts?
- Sticking to situations that’s no longer serve you.
This is a big one. And it applies to friendships, relationships, business pretty much everything in life. As Human beings, we have an innate need to belong and this need makes us want to attach ourselves to things, people or situations that are familiar. Familiar is safe, and most of the times we think that by staying in a familiar zone we are guarded against all the pains of life. This was a really tough lesson for me to learn especially when it came to my friends and my relationships. Many times I lost myself trying to fix what was meant to stay broken. Sometimes the person you want most is the person you’re best without. its hard to cut ties from people, things or situation we are emotionally attached to, but remember there is a reason and season for everything and the most important thing is progress. don’t let people or situations overstay their welcome.
- Living in Fear
“A fear-driven life is a life in which thoughts, decisions, and actions are predominantly motivated by fear.” For a long time now I was and have been confined to living my fears as opposed to living my dreams.
We have so many doubts in our minds running over and over when it comes to pursuing our dreams, fear of success; we will be able to handle it? fear of failure after putting our all in something and the BIG one is the fear of what people will think of us. Most of us give up all the things we want to achieve because of fear. We let fear steal from us. For a very long time, I feared what people thought of me, I found myself being less of me and more of what I was told I should be. How tiring is it to try to live under society standards? It weighs on your heart because fear is temporary and regret is a permanent feeling that weighs ounces. So if you are wondering why you are not yet living your dreams is because your letting fear runs your life. Feel the fear and do it anyway.
p.s the phrase “DO NOT FEAR” appears 365 times in the bible, one reminder for each day of the year 🙂
- Never pursuing your passion or dream
We are all born with dreams. These passions are sewn into our hearts. Each day we refuse to pursue our dream we slowing kill ourselves. Life is a gift as much as we take it for granted most of the times. I believe that the reason we are alive at this moment, why our hearts still beat while others are taking their last breaths is because we still have a purpose in our lives. Everything we do and dream of flows from within so if we are made for a certain purpose and we are not using each living breath pursuing it…it is like we are wasting away.
Stop believing everyone’s opinion of what you want to achieve. You see, everyone wants to tell you to want to do and what’s right for you. They don’t want you to find the answer on your own because they believe they are right so they expect you to believe their answers and ways. It’s been said that the richest place in the world is the graveyard. That’s where we will find ideas and innovations that never came true because they were busy following or building someone else dream. Steve Job’s 2005 Stanford Commencement speaks volumes. How many of us are living with broken hearts, unsatisfied, frustrated, and bitter all because we lack the courage to follow our hearts?
There are many ways to break your own heart, not just these three but the one overall theme here is Settling to a lifeless than you deserve. That is the ultimate heartbreak. When we let fear run our lives, we begin to settle for situations, people and things that no longer serve us and eventually we stop believing in yourselves and never pursue our dreams.
For so long I also used to believe that some people are just lucky to get what they deserve. LOL LUCK? there is no such thing as luck. I always found myself thinking and feeling people who are living their dreams are just luckier than I am. What a poor way of thinking.
See, what I found out, is that these people we see and identify as living their dreams are no different than I am…than you are. I mean don’t we breathe the same oxygen? Have the same color of blood? have the same 24 hours in a day? I began to question all these things until I came to realize three things
- They believe they deserve the best.
- They never settle for less.
- They take action to achieve the best.
That’s why they always seem so full of life because they broke out of the comfort zones where words like
“you can’t do that “
“you are crazy”
“come back to reality”…
are familiar to us. The land of the common man where we build our own limitation by what we believe, what others believe for us, the things we hear and the things we say. I got sick and tired of being sick and tired of settling for less. Not having the courage to be more do more and want more for my life, so I begin the journey to the land of the uncommon man, the movers, and shakers, the ones who always seemed so “Lucky”.
I have always wanted to blog and this year I committed to starting this Blog for various reasons. When I finally did, I was so excited to see a dream come to fruition. BUT, it wasn’t smooth sailing, soon after, life got in the way, so many things happened in my life so fast that I felt like I had no control of the way it’s going. This is very recent by the way. I had expected so much this year and when I never so the result, it began to break me and I slowly stopped doing the necessary to get the results I wanted. I had mapped out and scheduled the days in the month to post a blog post and when those days came, a heaviness of failure weighed on me. I began feeding the fear of failure as opposed to pushing through despite how my life looked and felt a mess at that moment. I completely forgot the excitement I once felt not so long ago of finally getting to start my blog.
I woke up every morning, complaining about how things are not working out for me especially in the business that I focused so much on how it feels impossible and stopped doing anything about it. For a Full month, I knew I was operating below my potential and had gotten comfortable. The more I stopped fighting and working towards what I wanted, the more everything I didn’t want came swimming in. But I asked myself three simple questions…
do I believe i deserve the best?…YES
Am I settling for less? YES
Am I taking action to achieve the best? NO… WHY?
Simple, I let people, situations and things overstay their welcome in my life, which slowly made me doubt myself and my abilities to achieve and focused on what I didn’t want more than focusing on getting what I wanted.
I was literally breaking my heart, having started the year strong and then slowly allowing the challenges of life drown out my own ambitions. Its hard living and probably that’s why most people avoid the heartache of failure and disappointment by settling to a life where you don’t suffer much or enjoy much, a life where there’s not much criticism and everyone seems to be doing the same.
So the question goes out to you my friends, are your slowing breaking your heart by lacking the courage to follow your heart and forge on despite the challenges we face in life?
I believe there is more inside of me… there is more inside you than anyone knows and all we have to do is believe it and make the necessary steps to achieve it.
Remember we are either living our dreams or living our fears.
The choice is ours.